Every day we hear of people dealing with illness and death and we wonder; how do they do it? Where do they find the courage to carry on despite such tragedy? Shortly after Lorraine Kember’s 30th anniversary, tragedy struck and she found her own answer to these questions.

This guest post is written by a new friend of mine, Lorraine Kember, whose husband was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a terminal cancer related to asbestos. There’s something about Lorraine’s story that never fails to amaze me, and I am inspired anew every time I hear it. Here we present her words, her story – and her fortitude during that difficult chapter of her life.

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Shortly after our 30th wedding anniversary, my husband Brian was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. Life as I had known it changed forever and I entered a new reality of helplessness, despair and fear of the unknown. Gone were the days of walking aimlessly around shopping malls, I now walked hospital corridors and accompanied Brian to his chemotherapy treatment sessions where I learned that cancer has no respect for gender, age or wealth. Sitting alongside Brian as he underwent treatment, were people from every color and creed. Whether they were rich or poor made not the slightest difference. Here, united by their suffering, they were fellow human beings on the same sad journey.

One cannot bear witness to the incredible courage of those who have cancer, without being deeply affected. Brian’s courage in the face of his terminal illness, held me in awe and I decided to do everything within my power to help him.

Through surfing the internet, I learned about the stages and symptoms of mesothelioma cancer; the pain Brian might experience as the disease progressed and ways and means to bring the pain under control. Using this information, I put into place a pain control and symptom management routine that was to dramatically improve the quality of Brian’s life.

Living in expectation of Brian’s death was like sitting on a time bomb, knowing it could go off at any time and being powerless to stop it. One day a lady said to me, “You are such a strong woman.” At the time I found her comment to be untrue. How could I be strong when I felt so broken?

Though I visited a counselor once a week, my emotions could not be governed by appointment. On the advice of my doctor, I began keeping a personal diary in which I wrote down my feelings each day, often in the form of poetry. My diary gave me the ability to acknowledge my feelings whenever I felt the need and turned out to be my strongest coping tool.

Despite a prognosis of three to nine months, Brian survived for two years and was not bed bound until three short days prior to his death. My journey beside him as he travelled to the end of his life, taught me many things, above all the true meaning of love and the strength of the human spirit.

Deep within us, there is strength and courage to sustain us in times of personal tragedy. I have come to realize that during Brian’s illness, I was indeed strong. I may have staggered with the burden of my grief but thanks to the pain management routine I put into place for him, I did manage to help him achieve a quality of life few thought possible considering the nature of his disease. And, thanks to the expertise and dedication of the Palliative Care Team, I was able to fulfill my promise to him that he would not die in the hospital. Brian’s death at home was as loving, sharing and peaceful as anyone could have wished for. The peace I have gained through this achievement is immeasurable.

Brian’s illness and death wounded me deeply but I have emerged far stronger than ever before. My awareness of the fragility of life, despite the strongest of wills, has strengthened my determination to grasp everything life offers me, with both hands and I have gone on to achieve things I never thought possible.

 

Lorraine Kember is the author of Lean on Me – Cancer Through a Carer’s Eyes, the inspirational true account of Lorraine’s emotional journey as she cares for her dying husband and improves the quality of his life.

Lean on Me includes excerpts and poems from Lorraine’s personal diary along with insight and discussion on all aspects of caring for a loved one with cancer and terminal illness including: pain management, symptom control, chemotherapy, dying at home and coping with grief.

More information about Lorraine’s book, Lean on Me, and its sequel, Looking Forward – Looking Back: The Grieving Journey, can be found on her website.